road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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