when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
