just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
