Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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