tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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