Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
