I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
