just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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