Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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