I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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