my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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