Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
