If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
