No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
