I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
