i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
