she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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