is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize