I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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