dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
