I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
