My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
