Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
