you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
