God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
