Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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