O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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