I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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