with your own penis?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
