my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
