I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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