My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
