Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
