its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
When are your genitals available?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
