I wish my penis had an off switch
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
