I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
