I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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