I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
