i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
