ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
