Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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