you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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