First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
