it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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