I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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