Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
