How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
