The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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