Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
