drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The adults are the big ones right?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
