I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
