can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.