I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
