Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.