omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pants are for mortals