I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.