the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.