so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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