she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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