Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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