Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
