Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
