If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
