3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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