barbara walters just said penis...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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