ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
