When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
