Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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