Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
