it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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