Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
