Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
