He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
