Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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